A woman who blinded herself after she dug out her own eyes with her bare hands has revealed why she committed the unthinkable act of self-harm.
Kaylee Muthart, from South Carolina in the US, was 19 when she mutilated herself in a meth-induced episode.
After dropping out of school at 17 for fear her slipping grades would ruin her chances of securing a spot to study marine biology, the then teen worked part time and began drinking and smoking weed socially.
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However, a year later, Kaylee was drinking and smoking more.
Although she avoided harder drugs, at age 19, she smoked a joint she believed to be laced with either cocaine or meth and had a "strange high" that made the devout Christain feel "particularly close to God", reports The Mirror.
Writing in Cosmopolitan aged 20, Kaylee described herself as a "lonely and unhappy" teen at the time, having distanced herself from friends and in a failing relationship.
She wrote: "I didn't have a job and my relationship with my boyfriend of two years began to deteriorate. To cope, I kept smoking pot and drinking alcohol and started taking Xanax recreationally."
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When her relationship ended, Kaylee had a mental breakdown and was diagnosed with bipolar.
Still lonely and battling with her mental health, Kaylee would think back on how that laved joint gave her a sense of "peace", and began hunting down that high again and again.
Well and truly in the throws of addiction, Kaylee bought herself a larger quantity of meth than normal, and while high, wandered into a church while hallucinating.
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She recalled: I remember thinking that someone had to sacrifice something important to right the world, and that person was me. I thought everything would end abruptly, and everyone would die, if I didn't tear out my eyes immediately.
"I got on my hands and knees, pounding the ground and praying, "Why me? Why do I have to do this?"
She added: "I pushed my thumb, pointer, and middle finger into each eye. I gripped each eyeball, twisted, and pulled until each eye popped out of the socket — it felt like a massive struggle, the hardest thing I ever had to do.
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"Because I could no longer see, I don't know if there was blood. But I know the drugs numbed the pain."
Terrified worshippers rushed out of the church in Anderson after hearing Kaylee's screams, but she fought them off. A pastor said he saw her squeezing her own eyeballs in her hands while they were still attached to her head.
Kaylee said: "I'm pretty sure I would have tried to claw right into my brain if a pastor hadn't heard me screaming, 'I want to see the light!' — which I don't recall saying — and restrained me.
"He later said, when he found me, that I was holding my eyeballs in my hands. I had squished them, although they were somehow still attached to my head."
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