Forget Monty Python, hypocritical world leaders are the real Flying Circus

If Monty Python were writing a spoof of COP26, they couldn’t come up with anything more insane and hilarious than what is actually going on in Glasgow.

So many private jets have turned up, there was an air traffic jam. Bozo’s plane had to circle for nearly half an hour.

Joe Biden’s 22-car motorcade (flown in on Air Force One and a small invasion force of aircraft) is simply beyond parody.

Both men then promptly appeared to doze off during the endless, woke opening ceremony of poetry and drivel.

The event is so overcrowded that the 30,000 delegates were advised to stay in their hotel rooms and attend by Zoom. Oh the sodding irony.

There aren’t enough charging points to fire up the fleet of electric limos ferrying dignitaries around, so diesel generators have been brought in to do the job.

Hot water is banned at the venues to “save the planet”. Even though we’ve been lectured for nearly two years about how washing hands in hot, soapy ­water protects against Covid.

Still, coronavirus has probably taken one look at this bunch of hypocritical eco-posers and ­decided it didn’t want to contaminate itself.

It’s all just utter madness, isn’t it? And the rhetoric is astonishing. According to the Archbishop of Canterbury, you’re “cursed” if you don’t do your bit and up there with the Nazis during the Holocaust.

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Beyond appalling language. And about as based in science as any of the hot air being spouted from this lot.

Minute to midnight, code red, emergency, crisis, Armageddon, killing our children etc etc.

It’s Project Fear with electric heat pumps, solar panels and a school-dodging doom munchkin from Sweden.

But if it’s so imperative that we all take action NOW, why are any of them even there creating a ­carbon footprint the size of the ozone layer (anyone remember that particular crisis?). And why are they so blasé about ignoring any of the rules they are intent on inflicting on us, the little people?

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Even long-time plant botherer Prince Charles jetted in on his private plane.

Yet don’t you dare consider driving your 15-year-old motor into London or YOU’LL KILL THE PLANET.

It’s a joke. Do as we say, not as we do. Again.

We’re told that it was imperative this mass jolly happened in person because it’s vital for “crunch negotiations”.

Of course. That’s why it’s COP (it stands for Conference of Parties evidently, though Crock of Poop is more accurate) 26. There have been 25 before this.

And yet we’re still all scheduled to burn/drown/starve/freeze in approximately two weeks’ time.

And where were our old friends Insult Britain when we needed them? Not gluing themselves in front of Biden’s armoured beast of a car or Amazon boss Jeff Bezos’s jet, were they?

No, because it’s much easier to disrupt ordinary people trying to get on with their lives.

Can you imagine how the heavily armed American security detail would have dealt with a retired Home Counties geography teacher with his face stuck to ­tarmac? Ouch.

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It’s us plebs who are going to end up colder, poorer, eating insects and more miserable. The privileged phonies spouting the stuff they clearly don’t even believe in will carry on as always.

The hysteria and hell fire being preached needs to be dialled down even more than the rising temperatures. Rather than terrify youngsters, why not encourage them to get into science to come up with solutions?

For example, newsreader Jon Snow put out such a distraught tweet about “cataclysmic climate events” on his train journey to Glasgow, you’d have thought he was seconds from death.

The reality? Leaves and fallen branches on the line. Or, to the still sane amongst us: “Autumn”.

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